Prioritizing

There is so much I want to do while I'm in college and just in life general. I kind of have a problem putting the more important things in life first. I think I socialize wayyy too much. I would get so much done if I could just cut off my social life. Its like I know what I want and what I have to do to get it, but I'm just not making any moves. Sometimes I just wish I wasn't so adapted to hanging out all the time. I wish I could just lock up in the room and get important things dones. If I could do that I would have the GPA I want and more. I prioritize horribly. Next semester I'm hoping I can get everything on track academically and just start doing more things in life that may benefit me in a long run. I feel I have lots of potential that I am letting go to waste. I need a wake up call. My grades are terrible and for the most part I feel I try, just not hard enough. I know for sure that I can do a lot better than I am, but I just don't know what's keeping me from doing it other than me. I really hope I can get things right. I don't want to have had done all of this for nothing. I can't see myself letting my life go to waste and I know that it starts here.

Crunch Time

It seems to be that time again. That time of the school term where all the work just seems to pile on me. Its kind of hard trying to stay on track when work is coming at you from every directions. I guess this is just college. The part I hate the most is when I'm so focus on getting one assignment done on time and of good quality and forget an assignment for another class. That bugs the hell out of me. I currently have lots of work due now for my classes and it is starting to become pretty damn stressful. I just figure I'd do my best and call it a day. Just the other day I was in my nutrition class and found out that I had forgotten to do two assignments. Maybe it was because I only have that class once a week. Luckily for me there were some nice girls in there who got me on track. Word can't exlain how pissed I would have been if I had gotten a zero. Now I have a take home test due in there and a dietary analysis paper due. Then on the other hand, I have a five page outline and a speech due in my oral communication class. I also have math homework due tommorow which my friend has to help me with which doesn't really help me on the test. I am totally lost in French now so no comment. I hope God sends a blessing my way and everything falls in place because I don't want to have to tell my mom I'm failing and see the dissapointment in her face. That shit makes me feel hella bad.

Anger

Every since I can remember I have had a kind of quick temper. I just so easily get ticked off a certain things. I have learned to control my temper much better than I use to be able to. It was like one minute I could be happy and having a good time and the next minute something could change my whole attitude. Sometimes I feel it is just better to get certain things off your chest. At one point in time I used to just hold my peace when something made me mad, but that only made me a more angry person. I would just hold things in and when I finally blew off steam I would explode. I hate being angry because I sometimes say hurtful things to people that just really changes my relationship with that person. Its like I didn't use to think at all when I was mad I just snapped off. My uncle use to have little "talks" with me to so call calm me down. He would always say that "a angry black man either ends up dead or in jail". My uncle use to have a quote for everything. I have learned to manage my anger much better, but I still sometimes find myself snapping off. It's like I just have to let people know what and how I feel and express my emotion at the same time. My grandmother always told me that I wore my heart on my sleeve, but I never really knew what that meant and never really cared. I knew I use to have bad anger problems because any little thing would make me extremely angry and I would take it to a whole new level. I think I just need to pray for patience. I am not saying I am a bad or abusive person. I am actually a sweet-hearted person. I just get really mad sometimes, but I don't really hurt anyone, maybe with word. I hope I can gain more self-control while I am steady growing as a person. It could really help.

My Little Sister

I still remember when my mom was pregnant with my sister. I had been the only child for so long so I was very excited. I thought having a little sister would be the best thing to ever happen to me, and don't get me wrong it has been. But it has come with many aggrivations. I remember when my sister was 1 years old she used to cry ALL THE TIME. She never stoped crying. I used to lay her on my chest and walk around patting her on her back until she fell asleep. That seemed to be the only way she would go to sleep. All of the crying she did use to run me crazy. She soon grew out of all the unecessary crying, but she never grew out of being spoiled. I have many memories of my sister growing up. I remember when she first learned to walk. She use to put one of her up out in front of her and take of like she was flying. It was weird but sooo cute. Every since she learned to walk it has been chaos since den. lol My sister is just spoiled rotten. It is very seldom that she doesn't get what she wants. I know you have to have patience with children, but it hard with my little sister because she has a full time job of torturing me. Sometimes she can be really nice and adorable, but any time when she's not she just busy being the devil's little angel. lol But me and sister have fun together sometimes. I guess she just does things for my attention. I think I should maybe start spending more time with her. My sister is now 5 years old, but you would swear she's just a little lady. She is very smart and comprehensive. I don't think I'm going to let her date until she turn 32. I know what goes through the mind of boys these days. I know I won't be there to make every decision for her, but I plan to do my best to give her the game and teach her to make the right decisions even when it's hard. I LOVE my lil sister so much. Even though she gives me a headache sometimes I wouldnt trade her for the world.

Car Trouble

My first car was a red 1999 Pontiac Sunfire. It wasnt in top condition when I first got it, but it still was worth having.  I got a new finder put on it because the first one was bent up pretty bad. I also got new tires put on it and got new floor mats for it. That car gave me so me problems. Time passed and soon I had to put new brakes and rotors on it because the ones that were on it were rusted. I thought I was finally finish with it and finish spending money. Everything went great for a while until I was leaving college one day on my way to the dentist. The temperature hand went up and my car begin to smoke. Before I could pull to the side of the road it had cut off. It was so cold outside that day and me and my friend were just stuck on the side of the road for hours. We never got my car to crank back up. Needless to say I lost my Pontiac Sunfire. Two months later my mom gave me her Ford Expedition. It was in good shape and she had only had it for about a year. I thought I had finally gotten rid of my car troubles. But soon to see they returned and were more expesive.  I was driving my aunt back to her college on a rainy day and my truck slid out of control almost hitting a very deep ditch. So now I had to pay for new tires for the truck. Next I had to get a new heater coil and water pump put on because the truck started to run hot while driving. I spent my whole FedEx check to get it fixed. It rounded up to be almost $650. I decided to quit my job because I got tired of spending all my money on the truck. I soon came to regret that because next my window motor went out and I could let my window up or down. The problems just kept occuring back to back. Car troubles are so stressful.

Music

I love music. When I listen to music sometimes it makes me feel so good. I don't just listen to rap like most of my friends, but I listen to a wide variety of music. I love to listen to slow music. One of my favorite artist is John Legend. He makes great music. I like to just sit back, sip my wine, and play my John Legend music. Its a time when  I get to sit back, chill, and think about different things going on in my life. The nothing like listen to love music to relax. I'm not talking about the depressing love music, but I'm talking about the kind you listen to when you feel you've found the one for you. I think the music people listen to can have a big influence on their actions. It is a very bad thing to listen to "gangsta" music when you're mad. I also like to listen to slow music when I'm in the bed on my way to sleep. I can NOT listen to rap on my way to sleep. On my way to sleep I have to listen to music that soothes me. I remember the first time I told my mom and my uncle what a good artist John Legend was and they both just kinda laughed, but now they both listen to him. Especially my mom. My point is that the music you listen to can definitely have an affect on the person you are.

Friends

Sometimes I wonder what the word friend really means. I'm not wondering about the dictionary definition, but I'm wondering what the word means to people from experience. To me a friend is suppose to be there for you. Your friend is suppose be there almost like a family member. I think anything less should be called an associate. I've had some real friends and I've had some fake ones. I think everyone should be careful about the people they call their friends. It's amazing to me how a person will stick around a person claiming to be their friend when deep inside they envy the person. I dislike fake friends. It seems as if no one was taught principles. I believe that the main reason friends turn fake is due to jealousy. Sometimes I wonder if I have or have ever had any real friends. Looking back on most of the people I have called my friends in the past there are only a few that I can say weren't fake. Some talked about me behind my back and smiled in my face, and some just tried to bring me down every chance they got. I guess I just attract fake ass people. I tried keeping to myself, but its hard tying to go through life without friends. I think I like having company way too much to not have friends. I'm not saying that there's anything wrong with having friends. I'm just trying to stress the fact that you should be careful with how much you show a person about yourself because the more a person knows about you the more they can hurt you. So don't read this and go thinking that your friends are fake because that may not be the case. I'm just saying know the people you're hanging with because you can be doing bad and it can be all because of the negative people you surround yourself with everyday. KNOW YOUR FRIENDS.